(And what you can do to overcome them!)
If you have ever tried to achieve something big - actually, if you have tried to achieve ANYTHING that you could call 'an achievement' then you will know what I'm talking about.
Every time you step into the ring you know you're going to take some hits - but if you know what's coming, you can better prepare yourself, to not just endure the onslaught, but counter the attack!
Let's get training!
Negative Force 1:
Wait, what! Perfectionism is my friend! Isn't she?
The go-getter, successful version of yourself that you are trying your hardest to live up to, is a perfectionist - right? Gets everything just right. Never misses a step. Hits his goals - all without breaking a sweat... At least that's what we think...
We think the Perfectionist part of our self is the part that helps us, because it is constantly 'raising the bar' and who knows how we'd end up without it... (are you picturing an unkempt version of yourself that looks more at home on a park bench than the Business and Parents Hall of Fame? :)
If you think that it's the perfect-self, aka - the self-righteous self, that is the key part of you that is keeping you on track and meeting at least SOME of your goals - then you'd be wrong.
The Perfectionist Self actually spends most of its time (in our head) setting impossible standards and the criticising us when we fail to reach them.
If I was to be honest, it's the perfectionist version of myself that has kept ME from publishing this blog and literally hundreds of others like it, because I wasn't 100% happy with the way I read the audio version or the number of examples I included, or the size of my list and "shouldn't I wait until I've got more people on the list to read this stuff?" aaand on and on it goes.
If you're reading this - then you know I did it!
No more excuses - hit publish.
How many New Years Resolutions get tossed in the bin around the end of January? Even if we had got off-track in the last 30 days, a rational approach would say - "I've made some mistakes but I've still got 11 months to go! The year is young!" But not Perfectionism. Perfectionism says - well, you tried, but you failed.
Recent research from the University of Memphis for Jon Acuff's new book: 'Finish' reveals that setting high, lofty goals actually demotivates you in the long term. (1)
Perfectionism is the enemy of achieving your goals.
One of Jon Acuff's solutions for getting rid of Perfectionism is to drastically cut your goal in half.
By reducing the goal, you maximise your chance to hit your goal and (importantly) set a new goal and hit that one too. Success is a by-product of consistency and perseverance NOT a one-time achievement that drains all our energy.
Negative Force 2:
Riding on the back of Perfectionism comes Shame.
Shame researcher Brene Brown defines it as:
"the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection"
Shame is harder to spot than Perfectionism but they often travel together. Perfectionism struts around raising its high and lofty banner well above everybody's head, but Shame sneaks around quietly in the dark and undermines your confidence and momentum from the inside out, like cancer.
Once Perfectionism has got you to set an impossible goal, Shame will arrive with: "Oh boy! Wow! Aren't YOU a high achiever now?! Hmmm, no. You're not are you. Come to think of it, didn't you fail last time you tried to do this? Oh yes, that's right - that was so humiliating w