The Five Love Languages

April 19, 2021

I once read a quote that said, "Communication is to a Relationship, what Blood is to Life".

It's so true.

Brene Brown says: "Connection is why we're here. It's what gives meaning and purpose to our lives.

So in our quest for "success" and abundant living - we'd better get good at nurturing our important relationships, right? And that means improving our communication.

That's today's episode. A powerful framework to improve communication with the one you love.

As a coach, I'm a big believer in the coaching process. You don't have to be down and out and struggling before you reach out for help (if fact, its better if you're not, but often, it takes that sort of kick-in-the-guts motivation to be kind enough to ourselves to get some help!)

Sofia and I recently decided our relationship could do with a tune-up and so we found a relationship coach - someone we knew we could trust and have been getting some relationship coaching together. In our first session, we talked about 'love languages'.

I first did the Love Languages quiz about 20 years ago but the question - "what's your No. 1 Love Language?" caught me a little off-guard because I think I've changed a lot over the years. So I went and redid the quiz and I was right - I'm different!

Perhaps you can relate to that? Perhaps you and your partner are not the same people you were 5, 10, 20 years ago (surprise, surprise!)

Have you heard of the Five Languages before?

It was inspired by Gary Chapman's best-selling book, The Five Love Languages, which is really about communication. People are different in so many ways. And because of that, communication can be difficult. And so he identified these five ways by which we express love. He also introduces the concept of the 'Love Tank' - the reservoir that gets filled (or drained) by the actions of our others. He talks about how we NEED to learn how to speak one another's Love language so that we can FILL each others love tank.

I mostly help people with their Passion Projects - experiencing a breakthrough and doing more of what they love BUT I also know that deeper relationship connection, richer family life is at the foundation of living that full, whole-hearted, abundant life - right?

So if that sounds like something you want more of, be sure to listen to this week's episode:

The 5 Love Languages...

Here's the highlights:

[5:25] The Five Different Love Languages: Ways we share and receive love. 1 – words of affirmation; 2 – acts of service; 3 – receiving gifts; 4 – quality time; 5 – physical touch.

[5:50] 1 – Words of Affirmation: small comments and words that are important to you. This is not only applicable to romance but also in business, educations–everywhere you're building up connections.

[9:50] 2 – Acts of Service: Being passionate about helping people.

[10:57] It is important that two people in a relationship learn to speak the same love language. Speak to your partner about it and figure out ways.

[12:00] 3 – Receiving Gifts – It is not about the value of the gift that is special but the gesture itself is what matters.

[12:30] 4 – Quality Time – Being in each other's presence. It does not have to be doing something specific but just enjoying each other's presence to build your relationship. It is about finding a win-win scenario with the people important to you.

[15:20] 5 – Physical Touch: It is not just in sexual relationships but it also includes simple physical contact such as a high-five, fist bump, pat on the back. But it is an area to be careful with. If you have someone you love who has a high need for physical touch, it is important to be aware and find ways to fulfill that.